All it took was a hole in the couch.

All it took was a hole in the couch for me to completely crumble and decide I was failing at every element of life.

You see, I’ve always lived a very busy life. Growing up, my days were filled with classes, rehearsals, homework, extracurriculars, dinners with the family and a quick second to send a witty text to that cute boy.

I stayed busy when I transitioned into college and I created my own structure and routine. I was a member of several clubs I took leadership positions in and a sorority. I took on two majors. I had 9pm rehearsals, 8am classes, 4am study sessions, exams, projects, practice counseling sessions, research...the list continues on.

I was even busier in graduate school. I was in class and working in an unpaid internship. I wrote and published my thesis. I walked dogs at 5am for extra cash. I was still taking some dance classes. I added a graduate certificate to my masters, splitting my time between two different universities. I still made time to see friends and family, I traveled back and forth to Richmond from Boston.

I did it all.

So why am I unable to do it now?

Why am I struggling to handle having a 9-5 grief counseling job, working on my hours towards life coaching accreditation, working on my hours towards LPC licensure, doing homework, starting a business, creating an online presence, maintaining a home, caring for four pets, changing my financial habits, picking up extra on call shifts for extra money, working in the rescue’s kennel, taking a dance class here and there, getting into the gym regularly, making time for loved ones and a social life, having a delicate self-care routine, and still finding 8 hours at night to sleep?

Oh right, because that’s a lot of sh*t to tackle.

Still, I’m struggling to wrap my head around the idea that I need to simplify my life in order to be successful. I’m wrapping my head around how my dog chewing a hole in the couch means that I’ve failed at being a pet parent and it was time to find her a new home.

I’m also wrapping my head around how I let a hole in the couch lead to a complete melt down, reminiscent of a toddler falling apart because they’re not allowed to play in the toilet.

But, did I fail? Or did I just take on too much trying to be the person I was instead of embracing the person I am now?

The person I am now doesn’t live at home with her parents.

The person I am now doesn’t have the endurance or metabolism of a 16 year old.

The person I am now doesn’t have student loans to fall back on.

The person I am now has bigger, more meaningful values that include rest and patience.

The person I am now understands the importance of social stimulation and solitude.

The person I am now is figuring life out completely alone, with no guide book.

The person I am now values her mental health and prioritizes it.

The person I am now needs some forgiveness and grace.

It’s okay to have a melt down over the hole in the couch. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to realize there’s a launch pad available.

Let the tears come.

Take a deep breath.

Reflect on what you can do instead of what you can’t do.

Take a step forward.

Fix the hole in the couch.